So thankful for our big family and our fun trip to Pensylvania for Thanksgiving. Thank you Mimi and Papa Mike.
We love u all.

xoxoxo Happy Holidays.

Words can’t express what these past two years have been like with you in our lives. Happy Birthday sunshine. You are learning so much, and growing so fast. I see you loving your family and growing relationships outside of your home. Your smile is my happiness, and your light shines so bright. Keep loving each day, but don’t forget the storms they will come. That’s when your true strength will show. You snuggle up next to me at night and ask me to rock you and read your favorite stories. I try to hold you like I did a year ago… but you have grown. I knew this time would come, just didn’t know it would come so soon. You have taught me so much since they day you arrived.

Thank you for all of the lessons and blessings you have brought to us.

loving you forever your mom and dad.

I am tired….

But I am feeling touched this week by life, and all of the wonderful things we have here on this earth. Every moment counts! Don’t ever forget to tell the people you love that you love them and need them in your lives. You get what you give. Don’t ya forget it.

I have written in a journal for the past two and a half years to Van, aside from this Blog. My handwriting is messy and scribbled, and I am self conscious about it. But I know someday he will be able to see through my chicken scratches and see how much I truly care about him and our family. Every day is a new adventure, and I never can say I love you enough…. I rock him, I read to him, I feed him, I sing to him, I wash his silky blonde hair, I dance with him, I soak him up – every smile, new word, wrong color. Everything…..
It means so much and I just can’t get enough of him. He will be two in one week from today and I truly can’t believe it. I am a little sad about it all and I am not quite sure why. These emotions run deep, and they manifest themselves.

I hold onto the moments when I can still hold him on my hip, rock him to sleep, I know he will be too big soon to fit in this rocking chair with me, and his little hands will be bigger than mine one day. But right now I can take as many visual photographs as I want. They are mine to cherish and keep forever in my memory album.

I have been reading too much of the worldly news and although it is good to be up to date and current with the events of the world, it seems you can fill yourself with too much of it at times.

On a lighter note:
I have switched over from blogger to word press and that is why the blog looks terrible, I am working on it and the design elements should be pleasing to your eye someday soon.

Don’t forget to tell the ones you love, just how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them, they may not be here tomorrow.

I give you this:

Providence  – a manifestation of divine care or direction.

Dear Van.

You bring a smile to my face every day so many times I can’t even count them. You are already so comfortable in your new home and it hasn’t even been a week. I know this is home and nothing feels better than being home with you living, cooking, singing, reading, brushing, tickling & giggling.

Tonight dad and I talked about how much you love us and when you go to sleep you say our names with “hi” in front.

We have been through so much in these past few months, I looked at you tonight and realized that you have grown up so much. Life got so busy and so hectic. I want to tell you that your the most important thing to dad and I and we are so happy that you have your own little space again, with your things. I realized through all of this that our home is truly in our hearts and that no matter where we are when we are together we are home. You make our hearts happy buddy.

love Mom.

We are moving again! Into a different house this time, but less than a mile away.
Seems the house we rented had black mold, air quality that children should not be subjected to and now a water bill that is costing us over $500 for one month! The landlord has given us until the 26th – this Friday to be out. We will put our things in storage for a week and move into another house on the 4th of OCT. There we will settle.

I feel like a fish swimming in murky water because the water has been changed so many times. We are happy and doing fine other than these minor bumps.

Life is funny – just when you thought things were calming down they get a little rougher.
I am lifting it all up at this point and letting God sort some things out, no fighting. Just floating….

My mom thinks Van is going to be a rapper when he starts to talk – she seems to think this might be one of his first songs!

…drag me here…drag me there, hand me stuff when I make a noise, sicka
the same damn toys, feelin sticky and hot, Here comes an old hot ba-ba,
and I keep callin “MaMa!!! ” Now through the air, comes a gold fish
cracker?, – it’s stuck in my hair – and hell! I really don’t care. she
smiles and says, “Honey, Just stay in your chair, we’re almost there.”
Can’t mention my diaper, can’t move in my chair. Keep callin MaMa!!! and
I’ll soon be there..

I am seeing a lot of this,
and this lately. It’s a new take on talk to the hand. It happens mainly when I am saying no or be careful. It’s Van’s way of protesting. He does know how to make me smile!

Van went to Conner’s office the other day for a visit, and he learned that headphones are awesome especially when mom is talking…… hmmm

Van’s excited he just found out advent is coming out with a BPA free bottle in summer 08! We are smart about our plastic bottles and sippy cups now!
I just added some new cards to the vanerwin.com collection they can be for girls or boys. If you would like to place an order please feel free to email me.
$12 per 8 or $23 for 16…. Great for birthday gifts, cause all kids need to learn how to write thank you’s. They are printed on 100% recycled 100lb pape (thick paper). enjoy.

We took Van into the ER on Saturday night, he had a fever of 104 and his heart was beating so fast. He had short breaths, was not eating, and was sleeping way too much. On top of that he was lethargic and completely out of it. I felt so helpless, this was the first time I could not do anything to make him feel better. This past week was long, and drawn out. I felt completely exhausted by it. Worrying about your children takes all of your energy away, doesn’t it?
The only thing that seemed to take his little mind off of his state was taking a walk in the bob, or watching baby einstein in our bed. Did I mention that he only wants to be held? I love holding him close when he is not feeling well. I know he has just felt scared lately and probably wondering why he is feeling so bad. It is a test of patience however, I am hoping tomorrow will be a little easier for all of us. The Dr. at the hospital told us he had a virus but my friend mentioned this specific virus to me today I just researched it and this is what I think he has.

1. Coxsackie virus – It usually affects children ages 6 months to 3 years. Symptoms include:
   • High fever – often up to five days.
   • Severe fussiness – this is often the worst part of the illness.
   • Severe mouth pain or sore throat
   • Copious drooling
   • Refusal to eat or even drink
   • Rash – small, red or white spots may, but not always, appear on the hands or feet (thus the name of the illness). A red, lacy rash can also appear anywhere on the body.

The funny part was while we were in the hospital Conner was eavesdropping on all of the other people who were in the emergency room. Especially the illegal immigrants who the police dragged in after getting into a fight!