Not a dry eye….

I hold your little body in my arms, it’s late and this is the time I get all to myself. When I hear you stir and a cry I instantly jump up. 8 months have passed, I feel as if I just had you yesterday. These past months have been a blur every day became the day I could make you better, your discomforts and cries left me hollow and weary. I wanted to fix it, make you better every day I knew I could until I would fall clothed onto my bed exhausted from trying and not succeeding. It wasn’t me, it was out of my hands. It took me so long to hear that message. GOD I was so deaf to you…..

I wake every night my mind racing with doubt and fears, this will never get better, when will it end. Why did I have a baby that was so unhappy, scratching, tense, that no one not even the body who carried him could console. You push me away in pain your fists clenched like the day you arrived into my arms. All I want is to heal you. Dry your cheeks. Whisper I love you and to feel your head rest on my chest.

I lay in bed at night and write to you, I love you little boy and I am so sorry you have been so ill. The first months of life should be warm, swaddled, and so soothing. I nurse you and that is all you want all the time & anytime because all I want is to see you content.

I have spent so much time with you these past eight months that I miss your brother, I hear him in his room playing when I am with you and I pine for him. Pine to play and read, and lie on his bed and tickle, laugh and butterfly kiss like we used to… I miss him. He misses me too, but doesn’t know how to say it. It’s been a very trying 8 months but, I see the silver lining. This was all a lesson in strength and faith…

I laid awake weeks ago, sleep was far away my brain active with worry and blame. I heard a voice that said as clear as a bell “how is your faith”?
I pretended it wasn’t you, maybe I made this up, maybe it’s someone else… Thank you for opening my ears and letting me see through the darkness that I brought in here….. The sun is out. Jet is healed no more colic, sinus infections, reflux, ear infections, constipation, or RSV. No more pumping you with antibiotics and every other medicine. You can breathe and I can lay you in your crib that has never been touched until now.

I can take back some of that time I missed with your brother and your daddy. No longer a robot operating on 3 -4 hours of sleep. I see you laugh and you light up my heart, you rest your tired head on my chest, your hands open, your tummy soft, and your smile, oh that smile – all I can do is smile back. We have climbed some serious mountains already little man of strength, and I thank you for humbling me before my GOD.
I am always loving you my sweet, sweet son.
Your faithful momma…
xoxo And now we sleep….


The gift of Sleep!!! Giveaway…

I just have to tell you that I was jumping for joy this morning at 6:45 when I went in to Jet’s room and looked into his crib and there lying on the sheets was my sweet little boy smiling up at me! He slept for 8 HOURS!! My friend Malia sent me a package of really cute baby clothes and in the box were two Miracle Blanket !

Hundreds of Thousands of Well-Rested Babies Can’t Be Wrong:
Stops Colic – GUARANTEED!
• Helps Fussy Babies Sleep Great!
• Helps Ease Fussiness For ANY Baby!
• Aids In Preventing Facial Scratches!
• 100% High Quality Cotton • Helps Babies Sleep Better On Their Backs!
• Helps Stop Twitches That Wake Your Baby!
• Makes Breast Feeding Easier!
• One Size Fits All Up to Four Months

They truly are a miracle.. It kept him all snug as a bug all night and he woke up so happy! No diaper change, no velcro scratching me in the middle of the night, just pure sleepy bliss. He is 10 weeks old… It soothes babies keeps them from scratching their little faces and can help with colic and so much more. It quietly and completely swaddles your infant and keeps them content and soothed.

Win It: One lucky reader will win a Miracle Blanket . Visit the Miracle Blanket site and tell us which color or color combo Miracle Blanket you like best in your comment below.

( Leave a separate comment below for each one!)

1. Follow vanerwin on Twitter (1 entry)

2. Like vanerwin on Facebook (1 entry)

3. Or by tweeting the following: I entered to win the Miracle Blanket Giveaway @! Stop by and enter at (1 entry)

Congrats Callie! Your the Winner of the miracle blanket giveaway!!!

Giveaway ends Nov 24th @11:59PM PST. USA only. Winner will be picked via If your profile page does not show your email address, please include your email address in your comment. So that I may get in touch with you if you are selected as the giveaway winner. Please respond within 48 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.
This was not a paid post my honest opinions were used. The opinions are solely my own and may vary from others.
Best of Luck!


Recall on Similac Formula

I am completley horrified that we gave our newborn son 3 bottles of this formula that had been recalled.It was bad enough we had to give him formula in the first few days of his life. Now he is on breast milk only but we had a few days where it was too hard and milk was not abundant! Certain Similac-brand, powder infant formulas are being voluntarily recalled following an internal quality review, which detected the remote possibility of the presence of a small common beetle in the product. The United States Food and Drug Adminstration (FDA) has determined that while the formula containing these beetles poses no immediate health risk, there is a possibility that infants who consume formula containing the beetles or their larvae, could experience symptoms of gastrointestinal discomfort and refusal to eat as a result of small insect parts irritating the GI tract. If these symptoms persist for more than a few days, a physician should be consulted. The recall includes certain Similac powder product lines offered in plastic containers and certain Similac powder product lines offered in 8-ounce, 12.4-ounce, and 12.9-ounce cans. To find out if a Similac product you own is included in this recall, visit and type in the lot number, or call (800) 986-8850. Both the website and the consumer hotline have specific details on how to complete the return process.


Baby stuff, Bedroom Vanitys, birthdays and more!!!

I haven’t had my coffee this morning, but I know what I want to write about. Our baby boy is due in less than 4 weeks and I am finally in major nesting mode. My thoughts are consumed with finishing the nursery, packing the hospital bag, washing everything 5 times, and making sure everything is assembled and put together!

A few weeks back I did a post on Van’s room and how we were transforming it into a little boys room, so we could use most of his furniture for the new baby’s room. I ended up picking out a duvet set by boodalee for Van, and he has transitioned into his big boy bed beautifully! Apparently nesting comes with spending money! Since I am really the only one with a sense of urgency that we are having another baby in less than a month and still  have a ton of things to purchase, I am getting nervous…. The first baby everyone was excited and it was fun, the second one I guess everyone just thinks you have it all handled..

Amidst all of the crazyness I did manage to find something I can make room for. We had our bathroom redone a few months ago and now we have a fabulous space for doing bathroom things, however I need a little place just for me to sit and work on myself. A place to put my hair accessories, make-up and fun jewels. I never thought I would want a bedroom vanity, but this is one I could love!

I will post some photos of the completed nursery once we get the bookshelf and the much needed rug in there!

xoxox Blessings….


Modern Nursery Desgin Take 2…

This is Van’s room before the bed switch! He’s getting a big bed, and crib/ toddler bed is being reassembled in the new nursery for bambino #2. Check back later for the photos of his new room! Below are just some nursery’s that inspire me and get me motivated to decorate the new room!

So I am finally starting to freak out that we have another baby on the way, I am 6 months pregnant and haven’t really done a thing yet for his room! Yes I said his.. We are adding another one of those humans that come from another planet than I do to this household. I suddenly found myself worrying about making his room special like I did for Van. I want him to have his own identity, not just be the son who got all of the hand me downs and the stained clothes, and beat up toys. I want him to feel special..
So on my hunt for fresh crisp new little linens for my sweet baby boy to rest his head on, I stumbled upon this great site that sells cribs and the best little crib and toddler sheets you ever laid your eyes on! So I am just not sure what to get new sheets for the bed Van is going to move into, or new crib bedding to make the new baby feel oh so special! Anyways.. I will post more on this once I actually place my order and let you see some photos of Van’s newly decorated room!

More later…

Top image via my camera, bottom two images via flickr


arrrrr matey..



love this fun pirate and bird mirror…
check out the sale here they are only $18, but they are selling quick!


A Photo Scrapbook


I love Ben Watts work! I wish I had gotten a chance to work with him in the past but I still admire his eye… Check out his new book. Lickshot. I know a little place where you can buy a copy signed by Ben also.

The penguin shines across the loving hydrogen.


book of the day!


A guide, to feeling great, losing weight, and saving the planet!


little guy ties

Jodee is a stay at home mom who makes these adorable ties for little guys and big guys too! Handmade ties and bow-ties for boys ages newborn and up. Each tie is custom made according to your specific size and color. Visit to see her adorable shop of ties in the best retro modern fabrics ever!

Her ties can be made in any of these sizes:
0-6 mo, 6mo-2T, 2T-4T, 5-8 yrs, 9-12 yrs and mens ties too!




to hear my son laugh

to watch my dogs play

the feeling of pillows surrounding me when I lay my head to rest

my toes touching his

to see my garden grow

to hand write notes

to see myself grow

to feel loved..

become our fan and tell us what makes you happy!